I did something bad today. At least, it made me feel bad.
There’s something going on in Irvine around October called
KCon. I imagine it’s something like Fanime, but with K-Pop as the focus instead
of anime. Along with the usual cosplaying, panels, and dealer’s hall, there is
also a concert with six groups performing. Both Vinna and I wanted to go, and
Alyssa agreed to go too, as long as the tickets weren’t too expensive. You probably know what’s coming next, right?
I bought a ticket for myself with my credit card, and all
the while, there was a sort of pain in the pit of my stomach. At first I
thought it was because of Ticketmaster’s timer to buy the ticket. Now, I know
exactly what it was: guilt.
Even though I’m 18, my brain kept telling me, “Talk to your
parents, first! Let them know, first! They’re paying for your credit card! You
don’t even have a job yet.” However, Vinna and Alyssa had already bought their
tickets, so I shakily confirmed my order and that was that. But the feeling was
still there, and it worsened when I realized I had 1) sent the tickets to Chico
because of the billing address, and 2) in my haste, bought a ticket in a row
different from Vinna and Alyssa’s.
The fact that I even made these stupid mistakes seriously
upset me, though they shouldn't have. They were easy enough to fix. I could get Vinna to pick up the
ticket for me when they came, or have it sent over to Berkeley because there
would be plenty of time. I could call the office tomorrow and ask for an
equivalent exchange, or simply sit in the seat I bought and make new friends.
To be honest, I
don’t think I was actually upset about the mistakes. Rather, these mistakes popped the cap to my bottled guilt and set it free in the form of frustration.
I said I was tired, but the fact is, I probably wouldn’t be able
to sleep if I didn’t let you know. You told me not to spend so much on such extravagant
things, and I did the opposite. I know I have to budget myself, and I WILL
learn. I never want to experience this awful feeling again.
XOXO
Gabby, your far-from-perfect daughter
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