Thursday, September 6, 2012

Day 19: Still a Stupid Kid



I did something bad today. At least, it made me feel bad.
There’s something going on in Irvine around October called KCon. I imagine it’s something like Fanime, but with K-Pop as the focus instead of anime. Along with the usual cosplaying, panels, and dealer’s hall, there is also a concert with six groups performing. Both Vinna and I wanted to go, and Alyssa agreed to go too, as long as the tickets weren’t too expensive.  You probably know what’s coming next, right?

I bought a ticket for myself with my credit card, and all the while, there was a sort of pain in the pit of my stomach. At first I thought it was because of Ticketmaster’s timer to buy the ticket. Now, I know exactly what it was: guilt.

Even though I’m 18, my brain kept telling me, “Talk to your parents, first! Let them know, first! They’re paying for your credit card! You don’t even have a job yet.” However, Vinna and Alyssa had already bought their tickets, so I shakily confirmed my order and that was that. But the feeling was still there, and it worsened when I realized I had 1) sent the tickets to Chico because of the billing address, and 2) in my haste, bought a ticket in a row different from Vinna and Alyssa’s.  

The fact that I even made these stupid mistakes seriously upset me, though they shouldn't have. They were easy enough to fix. I could get Vinna to pick up the ticket for me when they came, or have it sent over to Berkeley because there would be plenty of time. I could call the office tomorrow and ask for an equivalent exchange, or simply sit in the seat I bought and make new friends. 

To be honest, I don’t think I was actually upset about the mistakes. Rather, these mistakes popped the cap to my bottled guilt and set it free in the form of frustration.

I said I was tired, but the fact is, I probably wouldn’t be able to sleep if I didn’t let you know. You told me not to spend so much on such extravagant things, and I did the opposite. I know I have to budget myself, and I WILL learn. I never want to experience this awful feeling again.

XOXO
Gabby, your far-from-perfect daughter

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