Days 47-52: Massive Dump of Dumpy Feelings

Since it’s almost been a week since I updated last, I’ll just do a recap of the things I remember. Most of them aren’t all that great. Maybe that’s why I didn’t have the motivation to post.

Day 47: Struggling

Normally, I can follow discussions fairly well in English 31AC (not that I contribute, but I can understand what everyone is saying and form my own thoughts.) On this particular day, though, I wondered how some people in the class could form their thoughts so effortlessly. I started to question whether or not I could really be an English major—if I was struggling at the one thing I’m supposed to be good at, what am I even doing?

It wasn’t really a fun day. 

Day 48: The One Decent Day

Fujie and I went to get sushi for lunch, and somehow I ran into Aaron, Patrick’s roommate and one of the guys we roomed with at Fanime 2012. He was just about to cross the street when we came around. My first thought was, “Why the heck is this guy staring at me?” It took a while for me to realize who he was. His apartment was nearby, so after class, I decided to pay him and Patrick a visit. Aaron cooked chow mein out of whatever was in the fridge, and we chilled for a bit before I left for the Culture Show Scriptwriting meeting.

Jennifer has her hands full lately, so she demoted herself to Assistant Scriptwriter. That means Jason and I are the main scriptwriters (as well as Director and Assistant Director.) FEELIN’ THE PRESSURE. I’m excited, though.

After the meeting, I ate pie with Chris. Yummy! (The pie, not Chris.)

Day 49: Boys Will Be Boys

Did some studying. When I got tired of that, I hung out with Chris and his roommate, Michael (who I ALSO met in the laundry room). They did a group chat with some of their high school friends, and they were so shocked that a girl was in the room and the teasing commenced. 

As vulgar as they were, it didn’t really bother me as much as it probably should have.

Day 50: Familiar Faces

My friend, Cole was in San Francisco for the weekend and he visited me~ We ate at Thai Basil and talked about lots of things. 

Then I saw you guys for a bit and went straight to work at the concession stand. It wasn’t very fun, because we ran out of a ton of things and this customer got extremely testy. Luckily, Diana and Jamesuel were there to help me out, but angry customers are one of my biggest fears in life.  

Day 51: Time Management Fail

I don’t remember anything other than studying a lot and not finishing and feeling miserable.

Day 52: Overwhelemed

Psychology midterm was today, and I KNEW I did awful. Not only did I skip over an entire 10-point section and FORGOT about it, I was unsure of a third of the multiple choice questions and my essay answers were way shorter than they should have been. Wednesday’s depression was NOTHING compared to today’s.

I questioned myself more than ever. How could I waste everything it took to get here? How could I fool around while everyone is working hard back home? How could I be so stupid? Do I even belong here?

I got a good cry out under the covers before my next class. Our midterm papers for English 31AC were passed back and I got an A-, which didn’t make my day worse (thank god.) 

From now on, I’m going to keep up with the reading for every class. I won’t neglect Psychology anymore. I’ll go to office hours. I’ll learn from my mistakes.

XOXO Gabby